jjessicajoyy

I LOVE THIS KID <3

Are you ok after the car incident?

Finally…
Uhm.. It was… really, for lack of a better word, crappy. Nothing in there was irreplaceable but it’s just such a nuisance. Plus, I’m stupid and now my social security number is roaming the earth in the hands of another human being. I’m just more sad because of the sentimental value of the things I lost. I had many memories in there. Sigh…

Ask me anything

Im so sorry! I always thought you guys were perfect for eachother…

Things happen… I guess =/

Ask me anything

you alreaady got so many guys on you. i told you if you guys ever broke up there would be a line of guys waiting and there are. so now what? you should do it. maybe you need new blood.

I’m not really looking to date right now. If I’m presented with an opportunity to be happy…cool. If not..cool. I’m just doing me right now.

Ask me anything

You and Chris will get back together. Everyone knows it. Do you still care about him?

Don’t get ahead of yourself. Chris is/was my best friend. He knows me better than anyone else. No matter how angry, happy, frustrated, sad or whatever else emotion he makes me feel sometimes, I will always care about him.

Ask me anything

Ask ME a question!

Why are people so cruel? Why do people think they can take things that don’t belong to them? Why do people think they know what a person feels or thinks or is capable of? How is it possible to break something that’s already broken? How is it possible to hurt something that already hurts?

Ask me anything

Why did you and Chris break up?

It just wasn’t working out right now. Sometimes, when you love someone, you have to let them go.

Ask me anything

Hi Jessie, do you still believe in love? Are you planning to fall in love again?

Yikes. Of course I believe in love. I always will. I don’t plan on things so much these days. I can’t tell you if I’ll fall in love. I mean, I don’t even know if I’ll get married. I don’t even know what I’m doing tomorrow other than going to the office Christmas party dateless because I’m pretty sure the person who was suppose to be my date isn’t coming. I have no idea what God has in store for me but I’m open to what opportunities He presents to me. I can tell you, though, is that people only know about me what I choose to share with them. Very seldom do I ever let anyone close to me enough to know my struggles and my weaknesses and close enough to let myself be vulnerable and let them protect me. I’ve never been a person to trust someone so easily . Right now, I’m just trying to stay faithful and trying to listen to what God wants me to do. As far as my heart goes, it’s in a box with 10,000 locks and gates and it’ll stay that way until someone finds a way to break through them. As far as my emotions go, it’s up and down and it changes depending on the day. As far as life goes, it’s stressful and hard and it hurts sometimes but I’m counting my blessings and I’m thankful for every moment that brings me happiness and joy, if even for a second.

Ask me anything

Why does the right thing to do have to hurt so bad? I got attention today from another human being that was flattering and in the moment, it felt good but at the same time, it felt wrong. At the end of the day, I come home and I’m still heartbroken and I realize that he probably doesn’t care.

If you love them, let them go.

Isn’t that how the saying goes? I never understood that until now. The last 3 years of my life has been the greatest story to tell. It’s fairly simple. Boy meets girl. Boy falls in love with girl. Girl falls in love back. Girl leaves for boy. Boy takes care of girl. Boy and girl live happy until… the crap comes through. Boy takes care of girl. Girl takes care of boy until they can’t take care of each other anymore…then boy leaves.

Sometimes I don’t understand why I’m so upset. Sometimes, I don’t even know why I’m so heartbroken. I asked for this. I prayed for this. This whole situation gave me everything I wanted. I always asked for God to reveal Himself to me in a way that’s crystal clear and He finally did and I couldn’t question it. I just never knew that Him revealing Himself to me would hurt so much. It’s so weird to go from happy and secure to alone. Honestly, I can’t help but be mad at God. Why is He doing this to me? Why is He taking everything that means something to me away? Why does He constantly make my life a roller coaster? It hurts. By all means it, for lack of a better word, sucks.

I guess this is what I needed. I’m thankful for the struggle but I’m still trying to understand it.

When you love someone, you do what’s best for them. I know letting him go was the best thing I could do for him. I know that lifting him up to God was the only thing that could save him. Sometimes I get jealous because… in all honesty. I wanted it to be me. I wanted to save him. I wanted to help him. I wanted to be his everything. But I think this separation was meant to save me too. The more I look at it, the more I realize that I wasn’t in the right spot. That I was doing things that I thought God wanted me to do but, in fact, it was what I wanted to do disguised by what I thought God’s will was because it was what I saw Him expect from others. I’ve come to realize that what God expects from everyone else on earth is not what He expects from me. Me and God are completely different from you and God. God will ask me to do things that He won’t ask you to do.

I don’t know what comes next. I know that if God presents me an opportunity to be happy again that I would jump on it. As hard as it is to say, maybe the strongest God- willed relationship I can have isn’t with Chris. Maybe it is with someone else. Maybe it’s not even with another person. Maybe I’m meant to be alone. All I know, is that staying faithful right now is hard. Sometimes I can’t tell the difference between up and down and left and right. But I’m trying to let Jesus take the wheel here… I just don’t know how. I feel lost and afraid and sad and lonely and mad and depressed and totally not me. I feel like I’m being completely broken down and stripped of everything… but maybe it’s what I need.

I heard this illustration once about people thinking of happiness as a destination. What is it really? People say that they’ll be happy once they succeed. They’ll be happy once they accomplish this, receive that or end up married in the burbs with their 4 bedroom house, white picket fence and their big yellow lab. Maybe happiness is just a feeling. Maybe happiness isn’t what you find in another person or material things. Maybe happiness is just being content. Being okay with what you have and don’t have. I think that’s where I went wrong. I thought happiness was something I could find in a person. That having someone was the only thing that could make me stand up. Maybe I just needed to realize that if I can’t do it alone, I can’t do it with someone else?

Hell, I don’t know!

I don’t even know what I’m saying. I just want God to show me what’s next. I just want to be okay with this and everything that’s going on. I just want my heart to glue itself back together.

eofhes;ohes;oghe

Been such a crazy week…

and I CANNOT catch a break. It’s been so stressful. Everything feels like it’s pulling me in 20 million directions. I just want… a break.

Downfalls of the Week

Fight with Ryan. I think we’re done.

Been really sick.

Feeling a drift between a close friend.

No model for class = FAIL.

Training the untrainable.

Everyone I know has someone close to them dying…. literally almost everyone.

Broke.

Sad.

Stressed.

Tired.

And… I’m getting bad grades. Bleh!

Ups for the next few months(that I can think of)!

October 9 2010* Monica and Darwin’s Wedding

October 15- 24 2010* Tennessee!!!!! =)

October 17 2010* Nick and Vanessa’s Wedding in Tennessee

February 24-28 2011* LA/VEGAS

February 26 2011* Jeff and Erica’s Wedding in LA!!

May 27-30 2011* Canada

May 28 2011* Mike and Cheryl’s Wedding in Canada

June 4 2011* Ashley’s Cotillion